I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
