i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
COCAINE IS GR8
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
