all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
