i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
