I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
