i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
