guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
