friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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