I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
