C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
