Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
