I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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