Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
