just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
