is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
