'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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