I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
