it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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