singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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