why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
