FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
