I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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