i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Be still, my beating vagina.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
