Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
