I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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