I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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