I want to stick my p in your. b.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
