Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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