No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
