a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry my hands just texted you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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