Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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