and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
