my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I forget how to act sober
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
