I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
