she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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