so that wasnt chicken after all
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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