I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
