She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
