this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
