Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
