they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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