It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
