Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
