We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
