am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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