she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need a beard to bite.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
