i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
