hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
