I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
