i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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