You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
