..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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