Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
